CHAPTER THREE.5: The Cheshire Cat Sucks

DISCLAIMER: Some adult and unsupervised language is about to take place inside of this post. Please, if you are below the age of 15 or have not heard the words ‘ass’, ‘asshole’, ‘god damn’ or even ‘hell’ please stop reading now and allow those words to enter your life naturally at another point in time.

The-Cheshire-Cat-alice-in-wonderland-25961731-800-400

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Welcome.

Take a seat.

I avoided saying much about the Cheshire Cat in Chapter Three, mostly out of respect for any minors who may had read it. However upon revisiting my feelings with a colleague it seem that I can no longer hold my tongue.

Let us begin.

Cheshire_CatI may be the only person in the world who is genuinely annoyed by the existence of the Cheshire Cat. Like most people I was first excited at the prospect of a creepy-ass purple cat who can twist his head around.. then I realized that he’s a creepy-ass purple cat who can twist his head around.

This jerk-wad just pops out of nowhere all the time and tosses riddles my way. At no point in the game does he actually say anything of use because he points me towards a room that I’m already in and if anything he just gets me more god damn confused. Also, I’m not even given the opportunity to ANSWER his riddles because he just.. *bwooooop* disappears in to mid-air!

There’s even one point when he disappears and he’s STILL ABLE TO TALK. It’s my worst god damn nightmare.

You smug son of a bi.. busy body

You smug son of a bi.. busy body

I do realize his nature is that of a trickster and the Cheshire Cat’s purpose may in fact be to trip me up. I can say with absolute certainty though that he’s gosh-darn-diggity annoying.

While playing Kingdom Hearts I’m usually on Skype with friends of mine. I find it helps to play a game or write an article with more than just my own words floating around in my head. The downside to this of course is that anything in the game I’m playing that pisses me off is immediately vocalized to anyone on Skype with me at that time. To those whom I was talking to while playing Wonderland: I am earnestly apologetic for my language and I hope you can forgive me. To the Cheshire Cat: You just.. you.. just go to hell, from whence you came.

Except, you know, not on a Wii..

Except, you know, not on a Wii U..

Every time that bastard shows up I can’t help but just toss my controller up in the air and yell a profanity or two.. or eighteen. He serves absolutely no purpose for the player. The only possible explanation for his brusque appearances is to actually confuse and throw-off the player’s direction. If that’s actually it then it is a real dick move by Squaresoft (the developer of Kingdom Hearts) to have him in the game.

Either way, I’m done with him and I hope to whatever lord is above us that I don’t have to go back to that demon-cat infested hedge maze..

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The following is for a friend. That’s all. I swear.

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